You're the only who knows to slow it down.

Trust. That's all I need to see, that's all I want to find in my entourage. I wish it was that easy. I wish I had found it. It's sad. Now I know that's it's everything you could ask for in a relationship. If there is no trust, there is nothing at all. How could you be with someone and not being able to trust him so yes, you can't live without trust.
I don't feel so good these days. That boyfriend I was talking about, well it's over ... It's over because I took so much time in saying yes that he got bored and didn't want me as he wanted me before. He didn't want to get involved with me but yet, he did. His excuse ? He wanted to see if it's going anywhere. Well guess what, it's not going anywhere. I think now he knows :)
I wish relationships were easy. I'm not talking about boyfriends only, but every single person in this world that we talk to, get close to, and try to open the door to enter our lives. Those things aren't easy yet we make the effort to let people in. We don't always let them stay inside because most of them don't know the important thing we did so we let them go. Some people stay a little longer but are never meant to stay forever. And then there's these people who will always stay in. They cherich the place we've put them into and those are the people who are worth it. As rare as they could be, I have some in my life. But the disapointment is so strong that I don't even want to interact with those good people ... I don't feel good at all.
I don't think that words can actually express anything nor make me feel better but I talk, I write ... I believe in the power of words, indeed.
I feel bad, really bad. I hate it when I realise that someone haven't been good to me when he actually was able to. I hate it when I realise that someone could be honest with me but chose not to. It's what hurts the most. I'm disgusted.
I think I've said it all but I still feel that I need to say more. That's when I know that words aren't enough so I just shut up and stop.

Listening to : What hurts the most - Rascal flatts

I guess that love wasn't enough ..

It's been days. I know. Not so much had happened though. Some problems with my boyfriend have been solved and I'm getting rid of my exams one at a time. Summer is just around the corner and it's the best that can happen to me these days. That's all I need for now. I need some sun on my skin.
I feel so sleepy right now but I don't want to sleep. Gosh I have an exam tomorrow !!
Okey, I can see that there's no inspiration here though I want to write something on my blog. I don't feel anything inside of me, all I can think about is SLEEP !
As short as it is, I needed to write and I am going away now ..

Good night ..

Today is a new day ...

It's a new day indeed. But is it ever a new day for each and every one of us ? I don't really think so. Because we never wake up being someone new, whoever we are every single morning it's because of what previously happened in our lives. So it's never a new day for anyone. Although I believe this, I still say it every morning when I wake up. Today is a new day. It gives me so much joy and positive energy, I feel so comfortable and just ready enough to start my day.
It's 5 o'clock in the morning. This week and the next one is FULL of exams. So many of them and it just makes me go out of my mind. Stressing out isn't something I'm good at. I don't know how to manage it so it just takes my life upside down. I never sleep okay, never eat okay, never do anything the right way when I have exams and it sucks. Really. Well, I would do anything for my studies cause I trully don't see myself doing anything else in this world. What a great feeling regardless :)
Except for my friends, nothing seems to really stay the same in my life. I don't know. My life keeps changing every day and I don't understand the morality of it. People come and go as it seems.
It's really cold between me and my dad lately. In fact, we don't talk anymore. At all. It has always been this way with him. It's really hard to make him happy. It's really hard to please him. I really find it hard and there's sometimes when I really fight for his pride and sometimes I'm just so sick of trying and never getting anywhere that I just stop. It hurts to see that my own father is never fully proud of me. I know he is. But partially. I know there's this part of me that he never really accepted and he's not going to anytime soon. Yes, it hurts but I don't think that I ever talked about it with anyone ...
Well, as for my boyfriend, the last time we really talked is three or four days ago. We ended up fighting. We fought cause he thinks I'm too cold. Yes I am indeed. I'm always like that when I first start getting intimate with someone. That's the fear of getting hurt and it's been there a long time. But I feel good after quite some time and it all changes. We all have the same reflex I'm sure. We all protect ourselves and when it's all safe, that's when we open up and let ourselves go. It takes time for some of us but the beauty of it is that we end up with good people :)
So today is a new day. I'm not a new person but this is a new day. At the end of every day we are new people because with some hours lived, we learn new things and that's what makes the difference between each and every day we live and each and every person we are.

"Enjoy this beautiful day because we get so few of them."

Today is a sunny day. It's so beautiful outside. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the silence brings me peace. Peace I seem to lose during the week. These are my sundays. I never do anything on sundays. It's the only day of the week I seem to relax. It's so tiring being in and out all week all day long that I just need some relaxing moments on sunday to spend with my family most of the time because they are the ones we forget about during the week. We all get lost in the circle of life. School, work, friends ... This shouldn't make us forget about our loved ones but yet it does. For me it does. I never find some time to spend with my family during the week. My dad barely stays awake when he comes in at night, my mom seems so tired every night I can't really spend some time with her and my sister has so  much to do we don't communicate anymore so yes, I need sundays to feel like I have a family or I would be lost. I don't always get along with them but they are the ones who are supposed to always be there for me, I hope they will be.
About that guy ... I know now I've lost him forever and to be honest it hurts. I feel like I miss him every day, every second of the day. Should I do everything to get him back or should I let him go ? Should I sacrifice everything for him or is that too big of a risk to take ? It is sad to let go of your love. We don't fall in love everyday of our lives, it is really a blessing to sincerly love someone and when it happened to me I'm looking at it going away now, I can see it going far away from me. I wish I could catch it and never let it go but yet I'm scared to get hurt. OMG, it's the fear that made me let it go ... I'm just realising that now and it's sad. I'm scared that when I'm totally his, he won't take good care of me and I will get hurt so bad I won't be able to handle it ... Yes, this is brutal honesty, I'm scared :')
I'll try to enjoy this beautiful day because we get so few of them ...

Listening to : Pink - Perfect
Getting ready for some shopping time.

The sooner the better !

Here I am. The first post ever on my blog. I'm writing cause I feel a little bit down. What the hell is wrong with that guy ? I've been asking myself this question for a very long time. I never really found an answer .. I thought that being open to him would change something but no .. It never did. Although I have a boyfriend now and it's all good between us, I guess, but I never seem to forget about him. I feel lucky to be with someone now because it helps a lot to distract me from thinking of him. I promised myself that I will forget him and I will. Whatever it takes ...

Life is beautiful, and it always will be. I have learned to love my life whatever happens. It really is worth it to me and I enjoy every second of it. I don't enjoy the sad moments but without the sad moments we will never know how to cherish the good moments so everything is meant to be in our lives.