“In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.” - Eva Burrows quotes

Hello !
I am so excited to write today. Today is the first day of Ramadan. It is tiring indeed because I can't help feeling so hungry especially when I had one and only Mcdonalds meal yesterday which is basicly nothing ...
I love Ramadan for the simplest reasons. Family reunions. I love being around my whole family. It's just too good and exciting and it helps me to clear my head a lot. It calms me down and it helps me stay grounded. So I love it. My brother is coming from Paris tomorrow which I'm so excited about ! I haven't seen him or talk to him since December I guess so it's been a very long time. So now when the family gets together there will be no one missing. Everyone around. Like good old times. Fun times. I love it.
It's funny how I talk about family and how much I love them and love being around them. It is really really new to me. I never used to like them or be around them. God ! I hated it. But then I realised it is a big part of one's life and I am taking my time spending it with them while I have the chance. We only live once and I don't want to regret it. I learned to cherish the time I get to spend with them when I started realising how apart and far away from each other we became. Everyone gets lost in his work or studies or children or whatever, we intend to forget about spending quality time together. My brother doesn't even live in the same country, my sister is so busy busy all the time, my dad also. When I have school I'm busy too and my mom is always tired having to do so much during her day. So now I'm in holidays, I have all my time. My sister too. My other sister talked to me about gathering together so she wants as much as me to spend family time and my parents ... There is nothing they will love more than seeing all their children together and getting along. So why not make everybody proud :)
Yesterday, just before I went to sleep I checked my emails. I found a response from my favourite writer. OMG I was sooooo happy ! I sent her and email on her site and she actually answered me. With much love. I am so happy she did. I really reallly am. I just love her so much. She is the best writer ever. She inspires me so much with what she writes about. There is always unreal characters but she just uses them to tell a story about life, joy, happiness but even sadness, depression ... Everything that can possibly be a part of somebody's life. I learn so much from her stories it just makes me wiser everytime I finish one of her books. She actually told me that she loved what I sent her. What an honor.
Only a month until I go back to school. I won't say I am excited. Cause I'm totally not ha. I am enjoying myself being free and single. So good. I get to spend time with my friends and with my family which are the most important things I can focus on lately. So that is actually why I am enjoying so much time with family. Because I know once at school it will be so much harder to get together and I know it. It will be possible only at dinner with two missing person and at weekends with one missing person. As you can see there is always someone missing so GO HOLIDAYS <3
I try to keep myself busy because I feel hungry. I am trying to learn about the latest trends in fashion cause I don't know what's up with fashion since florals for spring and summer. Although we're still in summer, there is always something new in fashion. I do love fashion !

Until we meet again. XO.

All you need is love . Big up for the beatles .

HI. It is 2 am in my country. I am still awake even though I am so sick. I should be sleeping right now but even sleeping pills aren't working. Guess you can't fight nature :)
I am coming back to this blog for the second time today because I really feel like writing. I just realised I want to do this in my life. As I said to my best friend : I will someday write something that will inspire. I hope I will. I need to in fact.

My best friend. I just called her that way as it's been a very long time that I haven't because I wasn't sure we still were. Not that I forgot about her but because we grew apart so much I was thinking that I'm not hers anymore. But it doesn't matter to me right now cause she's my best friend. It will be best if I am hers too.
Tonight I realised we were still best friends. For the simplest reason. I couldn't share something with anyone but her. I have so many friends out there but it just didn't feel right. It's not that they won't understand, it's that they won't actually feel it. This is important to me and I needed feelings put into what I was saying. It wasn't a story. I shared a dream. And you know what, we haven't been this close for a very long time. In fact, we haven't talked that way we used to in a very long time. But it just felt right as if time didn't pass us by. As if nothing happened since the last thing we truly shared. As if nothing ever changed. And when you feel that way with someone, just know : he's you're best friend. I hope it'll never be any other way. I need someone like that in my life and if I loose her a lot will be lost in my life. There is things that really nobody listens to me talking about but her. Truly. We used to share diaries when we were younger. We used to say : Oh My God you understand me so much better than anyone. We used to feel the truth and the innocence and the trust in each others eyes. We've been there and we've been also in two seperate worlds. Not talking at all for several months and when we do, it was for a couple of minutes. But it was never weird or uncomfortable, it just feels right to pick up right where we left it. Even months and months before.
I don't kow what happened tonight. I read too much good british novels I guess it made me realise I want to write and I got so emotional because I felt the love I feel for art. Talking about art, I want to take some theatre classes because I want to play real old british plays. They are full of emotions. I'm talking about real good ones not any play.
As I sit here, alone, in my bedroom at night, it feels peacefull. Everyone is asleep and no one moves or talks or anything. They are gentle souls who can't do anything but breathe softly and dream :)
My life is beautiful. I intend to love it even in chaos. I always say it could be worst or when it's really bad all I can say is that I'm blessed because I will learn from every bad moment in my life.

God .. I can't thank you enough for giving me a heart and soul that's thankfull and greatfull for everything you gave it . Only with love .


Listening and singing to : Isn't she lovely - stevie wonder (cover)

Sick to the stomach but still smiling .

I'm not blogging now so I can tell my story. Or what I  lived after what happened the last time I blogged. It's been a very long time now and I don't intend on telling it all. In terms of boys, Oh God help me, he's the only one who knows how much of them came into my life for the past two months. Too many, really. At one point, it is annoying indeed but I enjoyed spending time with every one of them and I don't think I have any regrets. My sister thinks I'm A Lady Casanova lol. Well anyway. So much had happened in my life. A LOT !
I lost two friends, if I may call them that way. I don't like them anymore and I always make a promise to myself : always be surrounded by positive energy. That's what I do everyday. Sometimes I'm pretty good at it and sometimes I suck at it. But hey, it's life, ups and downs I guess.
I got so sick this week I can't get out of my bed at all. I feel so sick even right now. I'm about to faint .. But I write cause it's been a long time that I haven't and I seriously feel I need to be poetic again about life. I don't want to loose my way of seeing life from a wise perspective :)
I have changed since the last time I wrote on this blog. I don't want boys in my life anymore. I need a serious break. I don't feel I'm able to like anbody. I don't feel that way just because there is two ways of being with someone. You're either together for sex or together for a serious relationship which is all about love and future and getting married. Well I'm tired of being with boys just to kiss and kiss and kiss and I don't think I'm ready to be serious with anyone so that leaves me with no boys. I used to go out with boys just cause there's nothing better to do that's it and I knew every single time that he's not the one and I do it anyway but the thing now is that I know it's not going anywhere so why bother ... I just had too much fun and now I'm resting.
Well I'm in holidays for a long time now. It's been more than a month. I had fun at first now I'm sick. I can't wait till I get better so I can live up my summer again. I want to check in some dance classes (hopefully mom will be okay with it) and I want some muscle definition on my belly and my legs. I finally decided after years of dieting and months of sweating to get skinny that I want to keep my curves. It's sexy and it makes who I am. It's my signature and I intend to keep it but get some muscle definition though that's it.
Something else. I want some art in my life. I don't want to have studies in my life and that is that. I want something where I can express myself. Something that helps me to be myself and be bold.
Anyway, I feel so sick that I lost everything I really opened this blog for but it's okay. Some other time :)
Lots of love. Xoxo.

You're the only who knows to slow it down.

Trust. That's all I need to see, that's all I want to find in my entourage. I wish it was that easy. I wish I had found it. It's sad. Now I know that's it's everything you could ask for in a relationship. If there is no trust, there is nothing at all. How could you be with someone and not being able to trust him so yes, you can't live without trust.
I don't feel so good these days. That boyfriend I was talking about, well it's over ... It's over because I took so much time in saying yes that he got bored and didn't want me as he wanted me before. He didn't want to get involved with me but yet, he did. His excuse ? He wanted to see if it's going anywhere. Well guess what, it's not going anywhere. I think now he knows :)
I wish relationships were easy. I'm not talking about boyfriends only, but every single person in this world that we talk to, get close to, and try to open the door to enter our lives. Those things aren't easy yet we make the effort to let people in. We don't always let them stay inside because most of them don't know the important thing we did so we let them go. Some people stay a little longer but are never meant to stay forever. And then there's these people who will always stay in. They cherich the place we've put them into and those are the people who are worth it. As rare as they could be, I have some in my life. But the disapointment is so strong that I don't even want to interact with those good people ... I don't feel good at all.
I don't think that words can actually express anything nor make me feel better but I talk, I write ... I believe in the power of words, indeed.
I feel bad, really bad. I hate it when I realise that someone haven't been good to me when he actually was able to. I hate it when I realise that someone could be honest with me but chose not to. It's what hurts the most. I'm disgusted.
I think I've said it all but I still feel that I need to say more. That's when I know that words aren't enough so I just shut up and stop.

Listening to : What hurts the most - Rascal flatts

I guess that love wasn't enough ..

It's been days. I know. Not so much had happened though. Some problems with my boyfriend have been solved and I'm getting rid of my exams one at a time. Summer is just around the corner and it's the best that can happen to me these days. That's all I need for now. I need some sun on my skin.
I feel so sleepy right now but I don't want to sleep. Gosh I have an exam tomorrow !!
Okey, I can see that there's no inspiration here though I want to write something on my blog. I don't feel anything inside of me, all I can think about is SLEEP !
As short as it is, I needed to write and I am going away now ..

Good night ..

Today is a new day ...

It's a new day indeed. But is it ever a new day for each and every one of us ? I don't really think so. Because we never wake up being someone new, whoever we are every single morning it's because of what previously happened in our lives. So it's never a new day for anyone. Although I believe this, I still say it every morning when I wake up. Today is a new day. It gives me so much joy and positive energy, I feel so comfortable and just ready enough to start my day.
It's 5 o'clock in the morning. This week and the next one is FULL of exams. So many of them and it just makes me go out of my mind. Stressing out isn't something I'm good at. I don't know how to manage it so it just takes my life upside down. I never sleep okay, never eat okay, never do anything the right way when I have exams and it sucks. Really. Well, I would do anything for my studies cause I trully don't see myself doing anything else in this world. What a great feeling regardless :)
Except for my friends, nothing seems to really stay the same in my life. I don't know. My life keeps changing every day and I don't understand the morality of it. People come and go as it seems.
It's really cold between me and my dad lately. In fact, we don't talk anymore. At all. It has always been this way with him. It's really hard to make him happy. It's really hard to please him. I really find it hard and there's sometimes when I really fight for his pride and sometimes I'm just so sick of trying and never getting anywhere that I just stop. It hurts to see that my own father is never fully proud of me. I know he is. But partially. I know there's this part of me that he never really accepted and he's not going to anytime soon. Yes, it hurts but I don't think that I ever talked about it with anyone ...
Well, as for my boyfriend, the last time we really talked is three or four days ago. We ended up fighting. We fought cause he thinks I'm too cold. Yes I am indeed. I'm always like that when I first start getting intimate with someone. That's the fear of getting hurt and it's been there a long time. But I feel good after quite some time and it all changes. We all have the same reflex I'm sure. We all protect ourselves and when it's all safe, that's when we open up and let ourselves go. It takes time for some of us but the beauty of it is that we end up with good people :)
So today is a new day. I'm not a new person but this is a new day. At the end of every day we are new people because with some hours lived, we learn new things and that's what makes the difference between each and every day we live and each and every person we are.

"Enjoy this beautiful day because we get so few of them."

Today is a sunny day. It's so beautiful outside. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the silence brings me peace. Peace I seem to lose during the week. These are my sundays. I never do anything on sundays. It's the only day of the week I seem to relax. It's so tiring being in and out all week all day long that I just need some relaxing moments on sunday to spend with my family most of the time because they are the ones we forget about during the week. We all get lost in the circle of life. School, work, friends ... This shouldn't make us forget about our loved ones but yet it does. For me it does. I never find some time to spend with my family during the week. My dad barely stays awake when he comes in at night, my mom seems so tired every night I can't really spend some time with her and my sister has so  much to do we don't communicate anymore so yes, I need sundays to feel like I have a family or I would be lost. I don't always get along with them but they are the ones who are supposed to always be there for me, I hope they will be.
About that guy ... I know now I've lost him forever and to be honest it hurts. I feel like I miss him every day, every second of the day. Should I do everything to get him back or should I let him go ? Should I sacrifice everything for him or is that too big of a risk to take ? It is sad to let go of your love. We don't fall in love everyday of our lives, it is really a blessing to sincerly love someone and when it happened to me I'm looking at it going away now, I can see it going far away from me. I wish I could catch it and never let it go but yet I'm scared to get hurt. OMG, it's the fear that made me let it go ... I'm just realising that now and it's sad. I'm scared that when I'm totally his, he won't take good care of me and I will get hurt so bad I won't be able to handle it ... Yes, this is brutal honesty, I'm scared :')
I'll try to enjoy this beautiful day because we get so few of them ...

Listening to : Pink - Perfect
Getting ready for some shopping time.